in defense of feeling

I told someone recently I was looking for love who responded “in this economy?" I feel pathetic admitting this, someone else texted me, but I want a boyfriend. When I scroll through TikTok, skinny women wearing sweatbands dole out romantic advice: if he wanted to he would, no sex until the third date, how to get him to commit, red flags, green flags, how to find a rich husband. There is a sense of embattlement that doesn’t seem particularly conducive to love. Everyone is holding their cards close to their chest, trying to play before they get outplayed.

There is apparently an epidemic of loneliness in the United States. Everyone from Kristen Radtke to Hillary Clinton has written about it. Explanations are far-ranging but mostly come down to the same things: our communities have splintered, work has consumed our lives, our social contract has broken down, the internet has destroyed our ability to socialize and to fuck. “Loneliness,” writes Radtke, “is grief, distended […] We hunger for …